Chapter 3

     She had a busy afternoon and by evening she was tired as hell. She got into her black Nissan Micra and drove home. She wanted nothing else but a bucket of vanilla ice-cream and to have her remote in her hand. She slowly undressed and had a shower, put her favourite kimono on and crawled in amongst the cushions of her deep sofa. She was sitting cross-legged, switching channels absent-mindedly, her whole attention given to the bucket of creamy temptation in her lap, when she suddenly heard a velvet baritone singing. Her heartbeat accelerated as she looked up from the ice-cream to the screen. There was new stuff on MTV, and the first single, Kingdom, from some new album, was being played. She held her breath unconsciously as she realised she was listening to Dave Gahan !

     The song grabbed her and she sank into it. When it was over, she turned the TV off and sat down at her computer with the ice-cream and surfed on the internet. She ordered all the DM CDs she was missing. She would get them by tomorrow afternoon. Great ! She was eating the ice-cream slowly and reading articles about DM and Dave. She wanted to know as much about him, and them, as possible. His everchanging life glued her to her chair. After long hours she went to the bedroom with millions of thoughts in her head and tried to sleep.

But she took a long time because every time she closed her eyes she saw Dave's face, she felt that last kiss on her lips and she felt her desire for him building up little by little. She was surprised at what a big effect Dave had made on her and she started to believe that maybe, just maybe, something could be possible between them.

      Two days passed. She was listening more and more to her newly-arrived DM stuff. She turned her iPod on when lunchtime came. She wasn't really hungry so she just ran outside, still in her white coat,  bought a sandwich from the nearest boulangerire and took it back up to her office to eat. She was crooning "Only when I lose myself" as she bit hungrily into the bread while checking some research papers.

    And suddenly her ipod turned to dolby surround, she heard the song from behind her too ! She looked up and swivelled round. Dave was standing there and singing along with her with a huge smile on his face.

    „ Dave ! ” she took her earphones out and tried to gulp down the food in her mouth. When she managed it, she was at a bit of a  loss –

     „ You are here –  er -  nearly two hours earlier than your appointment ...”
    Carla stopped as she looked into his eyes.

    „ Yes, I tried to reach you on your cell, but as it turns out there was no chance of you ever  hearing me” he grinned.
    ” Well, yes, I was listening to some Depeche Mode, as you can hear ! ”
    ” Do you like it ? ” He was doing his usual, checking her out from head to toe – her hair was down today – shiny and smooth. She had something on under the white coat – a black skirt or dress – it could be seen below the hem.
    ” Are you kidding ? I always did, but never was a huge fan. Now I've bought all your CDs and I have to say you are an amazing singer.”
    ” Thank you Carla, I appreciate that.” He walked over and round the desk to casually lean on the edge of it. .

     She smiled and put her half sandwich down on her table. Her gaze ran over his slender body quickly. He was wearing blue jeans and white T-shirt today.
    ” So... why do I have the pleasure of your company two hours early ? ” Carla asked while she crossed her legs. Dave's eyes followed the move and he needed to look away when her tight balck skirt slid up her thighs.

    „ Well, I can't come at the usual time so I thought maybe there’s a chance to come earlier. Only if you have time of course.”

    „ You're a lucky guy, Dave. I can give you my full attention, seeing as how I don't have anybody until your previous appointment's end ” - she smiled.
    ” Great! So what should we do first ? ”
     ” First I want you to lay down .” She pushed back her chair.
     ” What ? ” he opened his eyes a bit wider – „I think I heard something wrong there.”
     ” No, you didn't ” - she stood up and sleeked her skirt down. He was watching as she got closer to him, his mouth watered and looked at her in disbelief when she walked past him and sat in the comfortable black leather chair –

      „Seriously, go on ! What are you waiting for ? ” - Carla asked and put her elegant glasses on as she grabbed her notebook – her eyes looked at the raised couch and then back to him.

     „ Lay down on there, please, and undo any buttons or belts which might restrict your movements. ”

     Bewildered, he started to unbuckle his belt. But when he unzipped his jeans Carla told him that wouldn't be necessary. She was stifling her desire to laugh ! He stood there like a statue or a disturbed soul, with a dumb expression on his face.

     „ Dear Dave, we're just going to do some relaxation exercises” - she smiled and bent her head a bit to look over the edges of her glasses.
    ” What ? ”
    ” To help to ease the fear which you feel before singing.”

    „ Oh, Jeez, I am sorry. and I thought.. you...wanted..me..to..”
    ” Only time will tell what I want with you” she smiled at him encouragingly.
    ” I can't believe it, I almost took off my jeans ! ”
    ” David, you couldn't know it. I was playing with you a bit. I was curious to see how you would  react.”
    ” And did I react as you expected ? ”

     Carla shook her head. „ No. I thought you would be more, how should I put it ? You would be more go-getter.”
    ” I could be, if you wanted me to ! ”

    „ David, don't serve yourself on a plate ” she smiled, shaking her head in mock desperation. „ Be a man ! One who can actually solve his problems” she nodded towards the raised couch.

     So Carla set the scene for the relaxation exercises. From the pocket in the armrest of her chair, she produced a remote control and as Dave watched, she used it to lower the blinds and put on some soft classical music.
   " That's Mozart, isn't it ? " aksed Dave, his eyes never leaving her, as used the foot stool to step up, before lying down on the couch.
   " Yes, concerto for piano and flute no21. Played by the orchestra I used to belong to no less ! Most people find it gentle and calming, so I hope you find it that way too. Otherwise you'll have to bring in something you like for next time, because the important thing is that you let go of this world and are transported elsewhere."

      She enjoyed explaining what they were going to be doing together. "I need you to listen carefully to all the suggestions I put into your mind and tell me if you are still here on the couch or drifting off to that somewhere else... you don't even have to tell me where it is if it's too private ! "
     " Sounds good ! Fire away ! Do I close my eyes ? " Dave snuggled comfortably into the cushioning of the couch and straightened his head.
    " Yes, that's the first thing - no more visual stimulus. You will be using your hearing mainly and partially your sense of touch just to check that all your muscles are relaxed."     .  .. .    Carla's voice became deliberately richer, warmer, slower.
    " All of them ? " Dave questioned her cheekily.
    " Yes, Mr. Gahan - even the smile muscles. You'll still need to speak but I don't want to see you smiling, or I'll think you're not taking this seriously." Calrla sounded a little upset.
    " All righty Miss Sagnier, I'll be a good patient," and with that Dave closed his eyes.
    " Imagine you're in an open place, there's a light breeze, and you are alone, but comfortable with this. Are you at the beach ? In the mountains ? In the desert ? "
     " Beach - white sand - turquoise sea " Dave answered.
     " You are walking along until you come to a halt under a tree, and you feel the need to lie down. The warmth of the sand that cushions you makes you want to lie there for a while and rest. Little by little let my voice help you to let go of your body."
    " Mmm  hmm " came from Dave - who hadn't " cheated " - his eyes were gently closed and his face was calm. The music and her voice were working their magic, as much as Dave's singing had done for her before.
    " Now make a small effort and hold your breath while you tense your leg muscles, just for a few seconds – ready ? " 
    " Er - yes - "
    " Go ahead - feel the tension for a moment - you don't need this - so you get rid of it - relax the muscles as you breathe out, and feel the relief -" her voice was barely audible, " now your arms, as you hold your breath again - same thing - tense them - your hands too - go on, that's it -" Carla saw Dave making fists and his biceps bulging, making his lower arms come off the cushions. " Now let all that tension go, it's your decision, you are in control - breathe out again - feel the relief - the peace that is taking over you. Now your head and body muscles, as you hold your breath one last time - try and clench your body - your shoulders, your face, too - this is the last effort you have to make – feel it building up until you decide to let it go, as you breathe out slowly and relax - sometimes this feels like a warm wave is passing over you - other people say that feel like they are afloat, drifting on water ... where are you Dave ? "
     " I'm still under my tree ...but I feel good - the sand is soft -"
      He sounded receptive enough for the next stage, thought Carla, so she got up and went over to him still talking to him so as not to break the contact.
    " Now imagine that your voice muscles are as relaxed as the rest of you - they have to work so hard for you and often you expect too much from them. You must learn to respect them and keep on their good side -" she was suggesting things to him in his dreamy state... " never neglect your vocal exercises, and always try to get as near to this state of relaxation as you can before you start to sing - you'll see, you'll have no more fear of losing your range or your power." She gazed down at him – she gently laid a hand on his shoulder. He looked as if he were asleep - she wondered if she would ever wake up next to him and see him like this... she could quite easily bend down now and kiss him - God she wanted to so badly, but it was important not to leave him in this state for too long, and the music that she knew by heart was coming to an end.
    " OK -  Dave, we have to move on now... can you hold a deep breath for me please ? " He obeyed, nodding his head slightly. ” It's time to sit up and brush off the sand and walk back to this world, now breathe out slowly - are you ready ? Take another deep breath and sit up - slowly  - only when you're ready, then open your eyes and tell me how you feel.." Carla was still right next to him. When he sat up, eyes obediently still closed,  his face was centimetres from hers and they were close enough to kiss. He opened his eyes and they both just smiled.
    " That was amazing ! " he said sleepily " I feel like I've done an hour's yoga ! "

    Carla chuckled ... " All part of the service, Mr. Gahan ! It's called sophrology – you force the body to relax by making powerful suggestions to the mind. There's still plenty time for you to sing me something today - you choose ! Something in line with where you went for your little daydream ? "
    " Mmmm - what about Freelove ? "
    " Perfect ! " Carla sat down and prepared to be amazed.....

    It was rather strange, even quite touching feeling to hear all the songs bare. As bare as Dave's soul was in those moments when he let the song take him and sang his heart out. Carla enjoyed his singing immensly, until...

    „Let go of complicated feelings and there's no price to pay”

      If only I could, thought Carla ! She almost wished he'd chosen a different song now.

       „ No hidden catch no strings attached, just free love „

       She shut her eyes, as Dave was singing with his eyes closed too. She was copying him, she felt she was identifying with him. He reached the end and opened his eyes seeing Carla with hers still shut.
    ” Did you enjoy it ? ” he asked gently.
    ” Oh yes, I did. It was amazing.” She opened her eyes and stretched her arms in front of her. „ You see, if I wanted to relax I would choose something you sing. I like these songs so much, especially the bare versions. My favourite is Clean.”
    ” Carla ! ” Dave was serious now.
    ” Yes ? ”
    ” I....I would like to ask you to find another specialist for me. You must know why I ask this.”
    ” Yes, I know.” she sighed.
    ” And what is your answer? Do you feel it worth trying ? ”
    ” Dave, don't rush me, please. I'm still recovering, still feeling the suffering, and naturally I am afraid going into any kind of relationship, let alone a romantic one.”
    ” I see. And what if you were to find my company consoling ? Maybe I can move you out of this state. Maybe I can show you the world in my eyes. Maybe you would like it ? Maybe.”

    Carla came and stood right in front of Dave, who was still sitting on the couch, his legs dangling over the edge now.  She was between his legs, her hips leaning on the edge of the couch. She realised she didn't feel at all threatened, like he was going to pounce on her for a kiss. She looked into his eyes and saw kindness there, not raw passion like she had seen before. Maybe there could be something between them - maybe he wouldn't hurt her.
    " Give me time, please. I wasn't prepared for having all these feelings stirred up again. I thought I'd buried them to avoid ever being hurt again. But you know, it's actually quite nice to know that I can please someone - I think you know the sort of woman I am now - uncomplicated, honest, with lots to give....and it's been a long time since I've enjoyed a man looking at me the way you do ! " Carla smiled, still looking into Dave's eyes.
    " Is it that obvious ? " Dave was almost blushing as he smiled, which Carla found so sweet ! " It's just that your eyes, your lips - you're so bloody gorgeous! I can't take my eyes off you. If I could see a colleague of yours, then we could get closer right now ! - It'd mean so much to me. You know at home things have gone really sour - I don't give us much longer. I wonder if my wife hasn't found someone else, she's so cold with me at times." He very gently put his hands on her shoulders – she took one of them in her own hands and stroked the palm of his hand slowly across her cheek.
    " But you're still married, and living and sleeping together ? " Carla needed to know.
    " Hardly ever - we avoid each other and put on a show for friends and family, to make it easier. My kids have been through a lot of tough times and I still hate the idea of me walking out on another marriage…"
    " So don't ! Give it another chance ! For your kids' sake ! They must come first - don't you agree ? " she dropped his hand, which she had kept against her cheek until now.
    " Yes I do, but that doesn't mean that we can't be together - just sometimes - Carla I'd go crazy if I never got to know you better ! There's this attraction that I feel between us – don't tell me you don't feel it ? When I look into your eyes, I think you do ! Tell me - come on ! " Dave held her more firmly now by the shoulders and his eyes bored into hers.
   "Yes, I do feel drawn to you - I can't explain it but you're right - a kind of pull, which means one day I think we will get closer ... but not yet...." she moved even closer to him and her mouth brushed his neck as she continued to speak.
   " This is going to be a beautiful adventure, and we must take it slowly, enjoying every stage, every precious moment. Otherwise it'll feel cheap and trivial. Don't you agree ? " She was kissing his neck now, and he groaned as his hands moved down her body, from her shoulders onto her back, making her white cotton coat rustle slightly. Now his hands were on the cheeks of her bum and he drew her into him, sliding to the edge of the couch so she could feel how very badly he wanted her. Now it was Carla's turn to make a small noise - a sharp intake of breath. Strangely he didn't try to pull up her tight skirt, or unbutton her lab-coat this time – she was almost surprised. Dave whispered…
     " Not now, but soon, promise me ? You want this too - I can tell."
     " Mmmmmmmm!" Carla was lost in her nuzzling of Dave's neck - only aware of what her lower body was feeling through her clothing. Her hands stayed by her sides – she didn't trust herself to touch Dave – not yet.
     The moment was broken by the phone ringing in reception. The next patient ! They pulled apart and both smoothed their clothes down.  She wiped the smudge of lipstick off his neck, grinning, and then they said goodbye, Dave promising to call before the next appointment, and giving her his cellphone number on a card. Carla took care of her own lipstick smudges and then went out to the reception area with Dave to find her next patient waiting - a woman who had completely lost her voice after a traumatic accident. Dave discreetly blew her a kiss and mouthed " See You ! " as he walked out.

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