Chapter 6

He pulled her into him and kissed her hard on her parted lips ... she had been preparing to speak some more but never got the chance.

The only sound she could make was a stifled sigh - while Dave's kiss went on and on. His tongue found hers and then he was lost.....

He moaned quietly into her small mouth and pulled her close to his stiff body. She tasted wine and the finest vanilla scent reached his nose by this closeness. He couldn’t believe that finally he was able to savour her little pink lips for this long. Minutes passed and his hands started to wander down her spine, finding the edge of her sleeveless sweater, stroking her bare and velvet skin by her waist. The other one moved to her round and perfect bottom grabbing it lightly as he pulled her even closer.

Natasha got lost in Dave’s embrace. It was as if he wanted to incorporate her into his own body. Their embrace was so tight that she felt his fast heartbeats pounding in his warm chest. She let their tongues dance in a beautifully exciting way and caressed the back of his head, playing with his dark hair. He ran his left hand on her outstretched, naked arm up and down and by another wave of passion he stroked her side up to the line of her breast. The next time he repeated this movement, his hand was under her sweater, which kept her fragile body beautifully warm.

Dave moaned quietly as he got lost in the softness of her velvet skin and felt a rush of blood in his groin when he slid his fingers onto her little breast feeling a lace bra under his fingers. He felt as her fingers dug into his shoulders from the feeling as he slid his digits under the thin material.

Suddenly the strong rain hit the windows and this made her jump, clearing her thoughts a bit. She pulled away and bent her head biting her lower lip and blushing. She ran her hands on his shoulders and was thinking about stopping what they’ve started.

Nat took another step back from Dave, her hands falling to her sides before she raised them to run them through her own hair – she let out a long sigh - and then she lifted her head to gaze like a little lost soul into Dave's eyes.

"What have I done? What have we done? Oh my god, I shouldn't be feeling what I feel…"

Dave returned her stare "Tell me what you feel - if it's HALF of what I am feeling for you right now, Nat ... " and he started to move towards her, arms outstretched.

"NO" Nat raised her voice and returned to the sofa as the intensity of the rain outside increased - echoing her troubled state.

"Please Dave - if you feel anything for me - you will see that I am not enjoying this - even though I seemed to…"

“Well that's a new line - I felt your heart racing and how you moved in closer to me - that was hardly someone not enjoying themselves, come on!" and he turned around on the spot, arms raised in disbelief.

"But David, I can't do this! It won't be right. My heart is broken because of Yuri and I was at the edge of doing something stupid just to take revenge on him!" she looked up at him. "Yes, you are right, I was enjoying it, I just wanted to deny it. I want you too since the first day and I know you know it..." she looked at the thick carpet on the floor and let her hands fall onto her lap. She looked like a broken doll without her puppet master who could pull her strings and pour life into her movements.
 

"Then why do you refuse my touches? I know it'd help you forget that bastard" he knelt down in front of her and took her lil' cold and shaking hands into his warm ones looking up at her face searching for the eye-contact.
 

"David, please..." she tried to look elsewhere.
 

"No, Nat. Look into my eyes and say it!" he asked a little louder.
 

She sighed and her sad blue eyes met his green ones "I'd love to make love to you, but I don't want to ruin our first time with such situation. I don't want it to happen because of desperation, sadness and revenge. I want it beautiful, full of warmth and pure desire" she
whispered and patted the space next to her - Dave smiled at this - here he was being invited to sit down on his own sofa!

Dave got up and sat next to her - facing forward, hands on his lap - studying his carpet as intensely as Nat was.

Eventually she broke the silence: "Do you know what I would like more than anything right now?" She turned to him as she said this and her little hands took his, moving over them as if they needed warming.

“Tell me" he whispered - glad to be able to gaze into her eyes once more - he loved them - their colour, their shape, their expression at that very moment, which was one of a child before a pile of presents on her birthday!

"All right, I'd like you to put on some soft music and for us to talk" but when he sighed, she added “Oh Dave, are you disappointed?"

“No - er - not at all" and he forced a smile in an effort to reassure her "I can also top up our drinks - hmmm?" he added as he stood. Anything to move away and hide his crestfallen face.

She sighed and turned her head towards the windows. The cold raindrops were sliding down on them quickly. The shining in her eyes faded away in the same pace. She knew it well that Dave was really disappointed because she stopped him. She could imagine what a torture this was for him: standing in the Gates of Pure Joy and then the reality slaps him on the face and the gate closes before he could step inside and release the tension he felt.

She knew it well that he wanted her from the first night he watched Swan Lake. He told it and she felt it too a few minutes ago and not just because of the bulge in his pants but from the way he kissed and held her in his strong and warm arms. She could still feel them around her body like his manly scent which made her heart beat faster. Nat thought she was a jerk avoiding such a great guy like David, but she wasn't like an American woman. She was different and wanted to see things nice and clear. She meant that she wanted their first lovemaking without any dark thoughts. Maybe it was another torture for Dave, but it was important to her. She needed a little time to clear things in her head. She was just after a break up with her fiancé! As this came into her mind she looked at her finger. The ring was still there.

As if Dave sensed what she was doing, he turned round and caught her looking at her ring - straightening it on her finger, as the heavy diamond kept making it slip round on her slender finger.

Dave's first thought was how much the ring didn't suit her - too clumsy - too bulky for her slim hand - but then the symbolic nature of the ring hit him and he put the bottle of wine and the glasses down clumsily, noisily on the table.

"Listen - er - I think you have someone else in mind right now, Nat. I ... don't know if we should even be here - I think maybe until you have made up your mind, we should carry on our little chat some other time?"

His tone was hurt - a mixture of pain and impatience for her to take the hint and leave. Nat looked into his wounded eyes - she had a nervous habit of straightening her ring - and now she realised what Dave had seen and breathed in sharply.

"Oh - no - it's not what you think, please don't imagine that I still feel anything for Yuri!"

“Uh-uh” he said just this and she could feel the doubt in his voice. She sank deeper into her sadness and felt her heart aching as she stood up.

“I see that I’m not a welcomed person here any more. It’d be better for me to go. I’m sorry I’ve upset you” she bent her head down, putting on her cardigan, scarf and black coat. She reached for her purse and stepped quickly to the door.

Dave finally could make a move “Natasha, wait!” he hurried to her. She remained silent and avoided his gaze, but Dave put his fingers under her chin and raised her head. A sharp arrow hit his heart when he saw growing teardrops in her eyes, which turned light blue from the pain she felt. “Don’t be mad at me, please. You must know that I need you. I give you time, just please don’t forget me” he stroked her clear face with his thumb.

“How could I forget you, David?” she whispered in a shaky voice.

He just smiled for a moment admiring her fragile being and stroking her blond hair carefully. “Call me anytime you want, okay?”

“Okay” she whispered and let him kiss her softly while the first teardrops rolled down her face.

Insisting on calling her a taxi, Dave called his usual company and asked them to be the fastest they had ever been - he found Nat's presence disturbing: he couldn't just abandon her in the lobby of the building but he didn't know what to say to her - being in the elevator with her, so close and yet with this invisible barrier between them, was utter torture for him.

The taxi was there, mercifully as they got to the revolving doors ... a car from the company had been only two blocks away, the driver said - asking jokingly if he had arrived fast enough, and where was the pregnant lady ... Nat and Dave said goodbye, not even a kiss - Nat thought of reaching out her hand but then pulled it back and got hastily into the car.

As it pulled away she gave in to the river of tears that had been welling up inside her since that first one that Dave had seen.

---

She remained silent, looking out of the car's window but seeing nothing from her flowing tears. She screwed up everything. Her long relationship with Yuri, her career and now she felt that even a chance for a new love. She saw that look in Dave's eyes and interpreted it: he didn't want to see her...

Natasha's heart shattered into little sharp pieces. She asked the driver to stop by the peers, she wanted fresh air. After the man drove away with a sympathizing look on his face she walked down to the bank of the river, passing a few children feeding white swans with morsels. Their laughs seemed so distant to her, like they were in another world. A happier one that she couldn't know. She walked to a deserted place and looked at her ring. Her tears were still flowing as a wave of desperate anger came and she took it off and before she could think she threw it into the grey water screaming and cursing in Russian while she was sobbing hard.

Almost immediately she regretted what she had done - if nothing from a practical side: Yuri was proud and obsessive and admired the ring he had given his girl every time they met. What the hell was she going to say to him? That she had lost his expensive engagement present? He would be livid - he would make her suffer - she would have to avoid him for a few days until she had some sort of story ready to tell him.

It was doing her good to walk in the cold air, and she felt less flushed in her face, able to contemplate facing some critical stares .... so she directed her steps in the direction of her makeshift home ....

"Thank God you are here!" she heard Tanya's worried voice at the moment she stepped in sniffling a last one "Where had you been? And what had happened? You didn't meet Yuri, do you? He was running around the city searching for you. He's out of his mind, he wants you back! I've told him on the phone that he should calm down and leave you alone for a while..."

"Thank you Tanya, you are very kind" she took off her scarf and coat and stepped out of her boots.

"Do you want a hot tea, dear?" she was standing in the kitchen door.

"That'd be nice, thank you" she went to her room and changed her clothes to a worn-out big and grey pullover and a deep blue tracksuit then went after Tanya.

"So where have you been?" she asked again as she sat down, pulling her legs up and caressing them with her hands.

"I was at Dave's place."

"What?" she turned to her with surprise on her face "And you..."

"No, I haven't slept with him. I think I screwed up that relationship too if we can speak about a relationship between Dave and me at all..." she took the steaming cup and started to stir the tea with a little spoon.

It seemed to Tanya that Nat was pleading with her eyes for someone to talk to, so she sat facing her friend, sighed and waited for Nat to pour out all her troubles - it didn't take long for her to feel she could start.

"He wanted me, I could see it and feel it… and I so nearly gave in… it would have been wrong though. I am not yet free of Yuri in my mind. I would have felt guilty the moment I left his place… and anyway I never imagined he would want to make love to another woman under his own roof!!”

Tanya laughed at this - she was a huge fan of American TV soaps and followed with excitement all the complicated love plots in them "Oh Nat, you sound so old fashioned! I bet he's had dozens of girls there ... in fact I'm surprised you being interested in someone who will probably cast you off after a few weeks of fun - it could have really hurt you deeply if you had let him have his wicked way with you - my virtuous little friend ... !" and to ease the pain of the truth in these words, Tanya came forward and gave Nat a long hug ...

"Maybe you are right. But... there's or was something special between us. Don't tell me that I just imagined it! I don't want to think about those beautiful moments in that way!" she asked and felt the tears returning "That's everything I have now. Tanya, I've lost even my job! Yuri'll arrange by the director to fire me! What should I do?" she grabbed her friend by the arms and let the tears fall again "Should I go back to Russia? I won't have any choice to dance there because of that bastard... or should I stay in America? How could I arrange the visa stuff and get a job here in an unfamiliar city? I know just Dave here, but I'm not even sure he wants to see me again!" she sounded awfully desperate and couldn't stop crying.

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