2: Spark – part 2

Meanwhile Stiles finished with the cleaning up and quickly looked around in the kitchen and pantry to see what he had to buy for the dinner he was planning on cooking that evening. As he suspected, they were low on fresh vegetables and fruit, although he suspected that the smaller amount they had were mostly for Beth.

As he left the kitchen, he paused by the stairs for a moment, looking up as he heard the faint sounds of talking and splashing water. Stiles took a deep breath and swallowed hard as out of the blue a naked Derek's picture flashed in front of his eyes. "Down boy..." he murmured to himself and shook his head. He really shouldn't go there right now. Or maybe ever. Not that he never fantasized about some hot steamy scenarios between the two of them a few years back. Not that he hadn't touched himself while doing so. But he tried to put that down to the raging teenager hormones and coming to terms with absolute certainty that he liked boys too – especially one Derek Hale. It was a frustrating period of his life.

Being away helped on that somewhat. Or at least helped pushing Derek's memory to the background. Not that he ever had more than a few flings and one-night-stands with men and women. He was too busy focusing on learning then on his work. He more or less managed to persuade himself that that was the case.

He should focus more on his work now too. He had a promise to fulfill. But obviously having a small kid in the house who needs lots of attention was probably going to slow things down a bit. He also should go meet up with Scott and Lydia. He hasn't seen them for ages.

While thinking about these, he rummaged around in his duffel bag for some clean clothes, deodorant, his shower gel and shaving kit and soon occupied the downstairs bathroom. The hot water felt nice against his slightly rigid muscles. He probably slept in an awkward position before landing on the floor. With a sigh he shooed away the inappropriate picture of Derek stepping behind him to sniff and kiss his wet neck in the steamy bathroom and rather focused on quickly cleaning then drying himself.

It's going to be a long two weeks...

While the little family was getting ready upstairs, Stiles did the same thing in the other bathroom. He tried to hurry, not sure about how much time he had since he didn't know the father-daughter duo's morning schedule. The shower felt good after the long day and night. It made him wake up some more. After putting his toothbrush down, he quickly got dressed, ending up in a pair of comfortable old blue jeans, a simple dark grey T-shirt that had 'Nerd 4 Life' written across his chest in white and he put on a red hoodie which matched the color of his other pair of Converse sneakers.

As he was thinking about not wanting to intervene too much with the duo's daily rhythm, he had decided to lock away his gun in the safe. Maybe going to the playground and grocery shopping in Beacon Hills wasn't going to make it necessary to have it with him. Besides he was going to be with an alpha wolf and a hybrid kid. Stiles didn't doubt that the little girl could probably already scream everyone's head off if necessary. He couldn't be sure, but she was Lydia's kid too, so...

Just as he chuckled to himself and took off his phone from the charger to quickly check it, he heard the sounds of tiny approaching feet. Smiling, he leaned forward on the couch. "Look at that! What a sparkly and good smelling little sea monster!" he chuckled noticing the glitters on her soft skin. "Are you ready to go to the playground?" he asked.

There were going to be remarks, Derek knew it, since Elizabeth had a few too about her sparkly appearance. Only where she was smiling brightly, he scowled at Stiles to make it clear that being a dad came with certain sacrifices. Especially when having a daughter mostly being raised by himself. He could take some good-natured ribbing though, especially since he would dish some out himself when given the chance.

The little sea monster had located Stiles on the couch and it's where Derek found them. She was going to have fun with the playground but he was sure the shopping trip was going to be the real adventure. Noah usually was the one taking her with and returned with bags full because she had wanted it. Reason one why the sugar in the Stilinski house was now colored pink instead of the usual white. The sheriff didn't have a grandchild of his own and seemed to be happy to play grandpa to a borrowed granddaughter, spoiling her rotten. In stores at least. Because when it came to enforcing rules, he followed Derek's rules for her without hesitation.

As father he was consistent in his rules but lenient if he had to be. Elizabeth rarely pushed further than she was allowed though. The climbing out of her crib was allowed somewhat because he knew her werewolf self didn't like the idea of being locked in. So he warned her but he didn't punish her. There was not an ounce of evil in her after all.

"We should take my car, it's got her stroller." Which they probably wouldn't use because she'd want to sit in the cart of the store.

Elizabeth went over to Stiles and poked him, "Tick, tick," she said trying to tickle him and play the game they had done earlier. She giggled till she heard Daddy come into the room. "Go bye-bye?" she said, getting excited. She loved going bye-bye.

Stiles couldn't help it, but his heart stuttered lightly once Derek walked into the living room and he caught that familiar scowl. He never denied that it was a good look on the older man. Stiles' mouth pulled into a big smile, promising some teasing despite that kinda warning look. Derek knew him and he knew Derek. Or at least a certain percent of him, so to say. But roughly in half a day, he had learned about his true self more than in years when they used to chase around monsters in Beacon Hills. It was kinda mind-blowing. Unexpected. Maybe a little bit weird too to see this softer side, but Stiles wasn't complaining. He was... enjoying this more than he thought he would.

He never really thought of having a family. His brain was usually too focused on other things. Like solving mysteries or saving the day. He was good with kids, yes, because he was still a big goof at heart, but he haven't really given too much thought about having an own child one day. A mini Stiles. That would certainly put his dad into the grave faster than red meat... But this 'family' set up was... nice. Even if he wasn't really a part of it. From the outside, they'd look like that. Two dads walking with their daughter. That realization made the pale cheeks color somewhat.

"Sure, let's go bye-bye," he stood to hide his sudden embarrassment, helping Beth off the couch so she could walk over to her dad. Stiles used that time to grab his keys so he could lock up after them. Just as Derek passed him by the door, he whispered: "Didn't know that werewolves come in the sparkly version too..." and then smugly grinned up at Derek and quickly locked the door.

As much as the human considered him a mystery, he was one himself too. Because the random changed heartbeats were odd, so was the way he sometimes flushed for no apparent reason. Like he did just now and Derek couldn't see any reason for it, none of them had even said anything to make the flushing happen. He had stopped reacting to it a long time ago though, because then his eyebrows would never have a rest. He held out his hand for his daughter to take as she came running over so he could help her outside.

And then there was the anticipated remark, a little later than expected but it was there.

"It's why we're night creatures. We don't like to be seen sparkling," he sassed back easily, knowing Elizabeth couldn't follow it anyways because she was way too young for Twilight and he hoped she'd never get into it too much. It was a bad example for the werewolf community. And the vampires. And pretty much everybody.

Unlocking the car with a press of the button, he settled Elizabeth in her car seat, strapping her in for her own safety. "Get in, Stiles, the glide is waiting." His grin wasn't promising anything good. Because the playground was a toddler one so the slide was tiny and he was going to enjoy watching Stiles try to slide from that one. He knows from experience Elizabeth will make him participate in all of the things she likes.

She was excited to go to the park so she let Daddy lock her into her car seat without a fuss. "Slide!" she said happily as she watched them get into the car too. "Sty slide? Daddy slide?" she smiled as she looked out of the window.

"Ooooh, very good comeback!" the young detective chuckled as he sat next to Derek on the passenger seat. It was such a simple thing to do – nothing which they haven't done before dozens of times. But like a few years back, it made some nice fuzzy feelings unfurl in Stiles' stomach from the other man's closeness, stronger scent and he also could've sworn that he could even feel his body heat. A nice little addition to the scene. As he nestled into the comfortable seat, buckling himself up, the scene continued nearly the same way like in the past: some good-natured banter, but less babbling about everything and anything on Stiles' part. He wanted to enjoy this secret coziness he felt near the alpha. He had so little treasured moments like these only for himself.

He couldn't stop himself for long from looking at Derek as he started the car and they hit the road. He had a good profile. Very... manly and nearly like art – at least in Stiles' opinion.

"From your grin I suspect nothing good," he added then turned back enough to be able to take a glimpse of Beth. "We go sliding, yes!" he grinned at her, pumping a fist in the air before turning back to watch the familiar streets (and some people) pass by. It felt a bit strange, but good to be back again. He always felt this way every time he visited.

"We should also talk sometime today. About my questions and research and all that..." he murmured seemingly more to the windshield than to Derek. Playing family was nice, yes, but Stiles' never resting mind couldn't stay on one track for long.

It was weird how quiet Stiles was compared to before. There was still some restless energy thrumming beneath the skin he picked up on but he was way more relaxed, less in motion. No nervous ticks like drumming his fingers on every surface or bouncing his knee all the time or the persistent babbling to avoid silence. Because before silence had made the human nervous, like it was a bad thing to be quiet around Derek. And now the wolf almost got nervous with how different Stiles was. The staring was nothing new though, that had happened all the time before as well. It was comforting in its familiarity.

Stealing a glance to the side as he drove towards the playground in town, he nodded because yeah, he figured talking had to happen.

"We can talk in a few hours when Beth's down for her nap." Before Stiles had to work on dinner, because Derek's days were very consistent. Weekdays were committed to his daughter and household chores Noah couldn't do, weekends Lydia was home from college and would spend her time with Beth, giving Derek some free time. There was therapy he went to once a week, sometimes Melissa dragged him out of the house and he made sure to see Cora each week too. It was honestly all the excitement he could stomach for now.

For now because that was going to change. He wasn't the type of man to be content with only doing drawings and not much else. Fixing up the loft and work on the rest of the building was going to be a good distraction. He’d have more of a sense of purpose.

"I've asked the few angels I know about my condition, but they weren't much help." Or more like there hadn't been much they could do and he wasn't going to ask them for more. They had done a lot already.

"Uh-huh," Stiles hummed as a sign that he approved of that possibility of a more serious talk. After all, he had to know much more to be able to figure out what he's looking for exactly. From his pre-search from last night it became evident to him that the 'soul' topic was a very huge search field even in the scientific and occult community. And that was just scratching the surface. There was also the deep web he barely ventured into yet. Studies, religious, esoteric and occult texts, documentaries, medical reports and so on. The most frustrating about this was that he had to dig deep enough to be able to determine what might be legit and what only fantasy – in their case useless.

Because it mattered what kind of approach they would choose to tackle this 'half a soul short' thing and it was waaaay above Stiles' usual line of work – even in supernatural standards. Maybe Derek has some more of those old wolf lore books that survived the fire. Maybe there's something useful in them...

Just when he was about to ask said wolf about it, Derek dropped a bomb on him in his most nonchalant and smooth way. That bastard.

"Wait what...? Angels? Are you f....ing with me?" he bit off the swear word in the last moment because of Beth as he slammed a hand on the dashboard in front of him to be able to turn his upper body faster towards Derek. His brown eyes were wide and his heart rate picked up a bit too from that information. Not exactly shock, more like the joy of delving deeper into the unknown and the supernatural again. "I mean... I guess... it makes sense.... If your relations ‘downstairs’ exists... if ‘downstairs’ exists then there should be an ‘upstairs’ too, right? With angels and all... Wait... is there a God? Are the angels at least the kind of asses like Dominion painted them? How many do you know? And most importantly how??" he fired off his questions in his fast usual way.

Oh yeah, he had known what it would do to Stiles, had known the effect it would have and as the human flailed, literally, Derek grinned, widely. It was a proud wolf preen, he was very pleased with himself over this one. It had been all about timing and this was perfectly delivered. Clearly. Because Stiles went into quick rambling to ask, wanting to know everything as soon as possible, much to his amusement. Meanwhile Derek was the perfect picture of calmness as he glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh don't be so full of yourself, Sourwolf. I know what you did there. Baiting me so shamelessly, tsk, tsk," Stiles lightly shook his head and sat back into the passenger seat, exhaling slowly, though there was a small smile playing in the corner of his lips as his mind was processing all the new information and also firing up even more with excitement.

The wolf preen only intensified at the fake scolding coming from the younger man, because it had worked, hadn't it? So he had a reason to be full of himself and he wasn't above showing it. Considering the fact it had made that little tiny smile appear on Stiles' face made it even more worth it.

It wasn't exactly ‘upstairs’ and ‘downstairs,’ it was a different realm of existence. Portals leading to the places, magic required to get there, or the right access like the grace of an angel, or the darkness of a demon. It wasn't as cut and dry as in the Bible but it was close enough.

"God retired, he doesn't like Earth all that much anymore so he's not of any help to anybody." Not that Derek had met God, nor did he want to, he didn't sound all that pleasant to be honest. Angels were... kind of asses though, that much was true. Not all on purpose, but many thought humans were just monkeys and werewolves nothing more than pets of demons. And then there were those like Michael who were... Archangels did seem like the worst of the bunch.

"I know four of them, one could star in Dominion. The others are... different. Zophiel saved my daughter's life and Castiel is living with two hunters. They're still getting used to me. He and the hunters." As in Derek had at least made a dent in their biased opinion of werewolves and shown them there were different kinds of werewolves. "They don't have a he..." he glanced at Beth and changed the word so she wouldn't hear heaven "home to return to, it's closed." And then he realized he knew of a fifth but he had never met them so not worth mentioning.

"Honestly, I'm not surprised about God not caring about this world anymore. Looking back in history, he must've abandoned us a long time ago," Stiles shrugged it off lightly enough, because he somehow felt that he was probably right. Or at least it all made sense now to him. Besides the true existence of gods was something even Stiles' mind would struggle with too much right now. So maybe later he would give this a deeper thought. Or two.

"Full of surprises, Mr. Hale..." he chuckled low, kinda echoing his previous thought about the man next to him. "I already knew you were special and famous in certain circles, but this... knowing angels and all that..." he ran a hand through his messy hair and hummed to himself a few more times. "So wait... does this mean that the angels are stuck on Earth? Living among us? Oh boy, another species to add to the list of the creatures we should look out for. Especially in Beacon Hills," Stiles now drummed his fingers on his thigh a few times, his other hand playing with the hoodie's string.

"The angels did what they could for a long time." But there was only so much they could do and the ones in charge of the 'monkeys' hadn't been that open to the monkeys' way of living so it had certainly complicated things. "But they are now here on Earth, most I think. They don't like sharing information." Most of what he knew was from either his ex or Zophiel. Castiel was near impossible to get information out of. Unless it related personally to him.

"They're not a danger, they're still doing the task they were assigned to do or attempt to adapt to living here like all of us. You wouldn't even recognize them as angels." They certainly weren't ones to mess with, they had a strength to them above most supernatural creatures.

"Huh... Interesting," Stiles murmured from what Derek was telling him about how angels worked. Still, it didn't help on the unease he felt deep down from knowing that those creatures were roaming the Earth too. It was better to know that, though. In case one day he would bump into one, he would be at least a tiny bit more prepared than without knowing about their existence with certainty. Not that he would be able to do anything to protect himself. After all, he was just a mere weak mortal with little powers. Something that has always bothered him deep down and he tried to compensate that with his quick wit and intelligence. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it made the others vulnerable through him.

"Do angels possess humans too to have a body on Earth? I mean... if anything is true about what circulates about them, they are divine beings from a different dimension. Do they need a physical vessel for themselves to fit in better here? Or they have the power to appear human and hide their angelic presence on their own?" he mused as they were nearing the playground.

Stiles felt uneasy with the topic of angels and yet kept asking about them simply because he was too curious not to. Part of Derek thought not telling him more would maybe placate the unease but on the other hand, knowing more would maybe also do the same. And he was asking after all.

"Angels need to take a human vessel, their true form burns the human eyes out. But they can only take with permission of the human. Some humans consider it a gift." The tone of Derek suggested he didn't agree with that assumption.

To be a conduit for an angel, have no autonomy over your own body and not even be aware of what's going on... it didn't seem to be a blessing at all. And it was dangerous too. "With cloning they can create their own vessel, sometimes." Something he didn't know all that much about, yet. He knew more but he wasn't going in detail, if it was for the bestiary, then Stiles could ask when he was actually writing it all down. Not now, in a car on their way to the playground.

Stiles was fascinated by what Derek was revealing about angels. He had a vivid imagination so he could clearly picture what the other man was saying. It all made sense too, making some noises to express that, but otherwise lost in his thoughts. Frankly, it all was a bit overwhelming even to Stiles. He didn't expect to bump into this topic at all. But he had to keep an open mind if he wanted to find a solution for Derek's 'half soul' problem. Apparently, angels were no real help in the matter. Or at least that's what Derek kinda said. But maybe it was with a reason that the angels didn't reveal a solution to him. Or maybe they didn't know any, like they said. Stiles didn't know enough to form an opinion about it, but for now, he crossed out the 'help from the angels' option. During his research he was going to come back to this for sure though, because he had already saved down many legends and texts involving angels and souls.

"And what about demons? What's their deal beside possessing unsuspecting people and making them... off others?" he asked and this time his face hardened a bit from his memories.

"Some demons do the biding of the ones from the hell dimensions. There are a few of those, more than one devil, more than one ruler. The more powerful they are, the higher up. They're getting stronger because they sense the balance shifting. Vampires and werewolves are in-between everything mostly. Lower than demons and angels. Then there are hybrids of angel and human, or like me, demon and werewolf. We're above everything and powerful, so dangerous. It's why I gave it away." Being so powerful that even angels were uncomfortable around him when he had no control, it hadn't been a good feeling.

The demon side had been warded off from him since birth, and he hadn't asked for it to be unlocked. He was a good person, he didn't want to be bad.

As Stiles fired up brain finally comprehended what Derek was dropping on him so casually AGAIN, his head snapped towards him with slightly wider eyes and his mouth hanging open.

"HUH?! You... part demon? What? How? Why?" he asked 'very collected'. How could he not notice before? He knew Derek was special, but he always thought it was because of him being an alpha wolf and because of his family history. But deep down, deep down he was confused at times from the tiny feeling that there was something more. And now he was provided that information which made things make sense a bit more.

At the human's again shocked look and squeaked out questions, Derek shrugged. "Since birth. My father is the son of a devil. Deaton and my mother warded that part of me. It got undone." Which was putting it mildly.

He clearly remembered how it felt to be dying after the hellhound's attack, to be burned to death. And how his grandfather had punched his fist in his chest to get the heart going again while undoing the wards. Nothing had been the same ever since. Nothing. And this was not talk meant for little ears so he glanced to Beth who had fallen asleep in her car seat. Oh, of course, even his daughter made sure he couldn't avoid talking to Stiles. They were all in cahoots.

Stiles being silent could mean two things. One, he was thinking about something very hard. Two, he was too shocked to come up with a quirky response. Now the latter was on the table as he was just simply staring at Derek. Not with shock or disbelief or pity. But with a little bit of surprise and understanding. Because he understood that this demon thing was probably connected to Derek being in Hell and his paternal heritage. Maybe even with losing half of his soul.

One would think Derek would enjoy Stiles being quiet, with how much he talked and how little the Hale did. But to have the human sit next to him completely silent was more than a little disturbing, unnatural. He knew Stiles long enough to know what it meant, but that didn't mean it was normal for him. He assumed there were many ideas floating around in that busy head, attempting to make connections with all the information he was given and what he already knew. That was his strength, that remarkable gift of making connections when others weren't even connecting at all. It was why Derek had accepted the offer, no, demand, to help him with the soul problem.

The older man hasn't been too talkative about his experiences in that dimension, but Stiles only had to take one look at him when he first mentioned it to understand that Derek had been through A LOT down there and that it wasn't easy for him to talk about that period. Stiles would've let him off the hook if not half of his soul was at stake. He was starting to vaguely see the connections.

Stiles glimpsed back at Beth too, seeing that she was asleep so he lowered his voice as he kept staring at Derek, trying to piece things together. "Soo.... that demon side of you got undone. Is that how you ended up in Hell? Does it have to do anything with you giving up half your soul? This is important for me to know, Derek. To help you," he added with a softer look in his amber eyes, fighting off the urge to put his hand on Derek's on the gear shift.

Slowing the car down a little, Derek took a detour so Beth could keep sleeping, knowing she'd be awake as soon as the car came to a full stop. She wasn't much of a sleeper and he was determined to make sure she would get as much as she could. But this topic wasn't the easiest and to keep driving was not all that safe so he took a back road to avoid being a nuisance in traffic. His grip on the wheel tightened, because even though it’s been a while ago, it still felt like it had been recent.

He had to park, focusing on breathing as he stared ahead.

"I was used as bait, by a hellhound. I was dying, my grandfather decided to save my life by undoing the wards so I could heal. After that, he sometimes visited while I was struggling with my new powers. He manipulated me, made me lose my pack. I was isolated. He held Beth captive and was going to go through the portal with her so I followed, for her. He wanted to groom me for something. I didn't know what, I was fighting it. Every time I resisted, I was punished, if I spoke out of line, I was punished. He made me have ruts every month instead of once or twice a year, made me kill. I was losing my mind slowly so I offered my demon half to my uncle if he'd get me and Beth out of Hell. He wanted the power, I knew I had to get out before there was nothing of me left so I didn't care." The grip was so tight on the wheel that it was creaking ominously.

"I don't even know what I all agreed to, what I all did. I came back with half a soul and the spark of an alpha, because I killed my own kind. I've killed whatever was thrown my way. I'm not a good person anymore, Stiles."

To Stiles' merit he didn't freak out or pulled away from Derek. Yes, there was some surprise in his eyes, but his face stayed calm. After all, he had seen many things both in this town and during his work too. He swallowed hard, though not from fear, but from pain. It hurt seeing Derek like that. So messed up and in pain. Yes, the story that was revealed to Stiles was shocking and bloody serious, but all the human cared about was to somehow make Derek relax a bit. To make him feel better.

That's why this time he didn't stop himself and gently put a hand over Derek's right hand on the wheel. He could see how white his knuckles were, he could feel the tremors going through that hand. But Stiles wasn't scared. Not in the past, not now. It didn't matter what Derek was or what happened to him. He knew the truth.

Shaking his head in denial, Stiles kept his eyes on the other man's profile and his hand on his. "Bullshit. You were forced to do things. Just like I was by the Nogitsune. You did everything to survive. To save your daughter. You paid your price to be able to do so. If you really were a bad person, Derek, you would've stopped fighting your demon side and would've given in to get lost in it. Enjoying the killing, wanting more, obeying your grandfather, becoming what he wanted to use you for. You didn't do any of that in the end. You are here. Beth is here. I promise you.... with time you'll eventually be better," Stiles said on a steady, reassuring tone, his voice and look telling Derek that he firmly believed what he was saying. He also sounded like someone knowing exactly what he was talking about. And to some extent he did.

There was a glance to the hand on top of his, but Derek didn't pull away or glared at Stiles for daring to touch him, it was allowed at least. There was no fear coming from the younger man, not even after what Derek had told him. There was only understanding, no lies, no pity. That steady voice, that knowing wisdom made Derek think. And his thoughts went to when Stiles had been taken over by the Nogitsune.

He had been at the station when the bomb went off, he had seen the many bodies despite being half out of it himself. He had also heard about the bodies at the hospital, he had held Aiden when he died... So many deaths, so many injured, so much blood. Yes, Stiles knew exactly what it meant to have no control over his own body anymore, what it was like to have stained hands and a guilty heart. Derek hadn't been there to help him with the aftermath, he had been captured by Kate for a long time so he didn't know how Stiles had been. Probably not good.

They both had killed many, and they were going to have to live with that. Their innocence and good had been taken away from them but he didn't see Stiles as bad, he had been broken and tainted. Just like Derek was now. With a thick swallow, he nodded, feeling guilty for struggling, for all of this when Stiles was younger and more put together despite all that he had suffered.

"You were always the strongest out of all of us," he finally said, grip relaxing a slightly bit more. Agreeing to him being better eventually would be a lie, because he kept going for Beth. Time would heal all wounds they said but now, ten years after the fire, those wounds weren't healed. Justice had been served, sure, but that didn't give him the family back. And he wasn't going to get justice for going to Hell, Stiles wasn't going to get justice with Void. The demon was locked in a jar. They had to keep going. That was all they could do while their dreams would always remind them of the truth. They were killers.

"Are you better? You never talk about what happened. You moved on to your best ability but we both know we'll never be who we used to be."

Feeling Derek's grip ease up a bit, Stiles slowly pulled his hand away – kinda reluctantly but also pleased that his touch wasn't rejected – and sat back in his seat again, blushing a bit from Derek's compliment as he stared ahead of him and chuckled lightly.

"I don't see it that way, but thanks, I guess," he said. No, he always felt like the weakest link because of his lack of fighting skills and powers. He tried to work very hard to earn his place in 'the pack'. Yes, he had saved the lives of many more than once – including Derek's – but he also took even more when he wasn't himself. When he thought he was going insane or end up like his beloved mom.

𝑌𝑒𝑎𝘩 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙, 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛 𝑖𝑑𝑖𝑜𝑡. Derek thought to himself as he finally dared to glance at Stiles when he has been avoiding to do that since he had stopped the car. His look probably said as much because the human had the knack to be able to read him far easier than anybody else could. Stiles had been one of the few humans in a pack full of supernaturals, and never had wanted the bite. He had clung to his humanity and had attempted to make it on his own by learning different ways to fight. With his mind and quick wit he had saved many of them. He had been the glue to keep it all together, the strong component in the old pack. And yet, the boy would never be able to see that. If it hadn't been for Stiles, Derek would have drowned or had been ripped apart by the kanima. He would have never gotten out of Mexico, would have ended up as fodder for Gerard… It went on and on like that.

Stiles glimpsed down at his all of a sudden slightly shaking hands and he quickly clenched and opened them a few times to stop that. With a shrug, a small sad smile appeared in the corner of his mouth. Yes, he didn't like to talk about this. Or think about it in general. Even if he knew it was helping him heal. But he always thought that no one would really understand. Not his dad, not Scott or Lydia. They helped, of course. Looked after him afterwards, but on some days it took a lot of effort for Stiles to even get out of his bed. Go to school, continue his life.

"You're right. Things like what we've went through changes everything. The way we look at things. How we think. Who we are. I try to persuade myself that it's something from which I could learn. Grow stronger. Wiser, perhaps," Stiles snorted with some doubt about that. "It was... very difficult at first. There was no one really who could understand this. I mean... they helped. My dad, the guys, even Deaton. But I was struggling for a long time with depression too. I felt like my body and mind were violated. Which was practically the case. It took a while for me to accept that and come in terms with it. I'm better now, though. Surviving that was another push towards choosing what I do today. I wanted to be more prepared, stronger. More... useful. Perhaps helping innocent people and catching bad guys is my way of atoning for the unspeakable things I was forced to do," he shrugged. "It's a tiny bit easier each day. I have a purpose. I have people who love me or need me or my help. That keeps me going, it makes me look forward," he added then looked at Derek with a tiny smile, nodding towards the backseat. "You have something to live for too, Derek. She's a strong driving force."

Yes, of course, Derek knew that Stiles had caused enough as well, because Derek would have been arrested for far less without the human in his life, wouldn't have been a target for Void, wouldn't have needed to shadow these kids to keep them out of trouble. But it leveled itself out, it's what pack did, what friends did. Quietly he watched the hands clench and unclench as he listened to the words, breathed in the emotions.

"You have always been useful. You found a better way to deal with your abilities though, a legal way." Derek wouldn't go as far as call it a safer way but confidence would make Stiles better at handling bad situations. As for atonement – that he understood all too well. The need to scrub clean soul-wise, to feel less stained by doing good. To help others and balance out the evil even though it didn't work like that. Take one life and Hell it is. Werewolves didn't even go to Hell, they went to Purgatory and hybrids like him? Went to where the other higher beings went, the Empty. He wouldn't even get an afterlife, he'd get nothing, forever sleeping without even knowing. It was a bleak knowledge, one he wasn't going to share, ever.

Glancing in the rearview mirror at the sleeping toddler, he nodded because it was true. "I only did it for her, I'm here for her." Even a survivalist could only keep going for so long if there hadn't been a reason to keep going. He'd never end his life, willingly. But he would stop living if there was nothing left to live for. Laura had kept him going, then finding Laura's killer had made him get up every morning. Then keeping her alpha spark alive had been his motivation, his pack, Cora, Scott's pack. He had always had a reason to not give into the exhaustion wearing him down, to keep standing after each blow, to stomach the pain and use it to keep his eyes open. "I'm here for you," he added softly, starting the car. Enough for this morning, they needed some distractions.

"Going about things in the legal way at last probably made my old man open a champagne with relief," Stiles chuckled, remembering all the (often comical) situations he got into in an attempt to sneak around or talk himself out of a situation once he was busted by his dad. Strangely, those became fond memories to him of the two of them. Memories that had bound the Stilinskis more together. He also remembered the pride in his father's eyes when he had finished his school and training with honors. That was another memory he treasured.

Stiles then nodded in agreement. Yes, Derek had a reason to live. His daughter. For a split second he wondered if he, himself would maybe have the chance to become another reason for him not to give up. Either as a friend or something more. But it was something he probably shouldn't put much hope into as Derek had his plate full enough already. With a small sigh in the end he just smiled at the other man.

"Thank you, Derek. I'm here for you too whenever you need me. I hope you know that," he said then looked ahead of himself again as the car started moving and in a couple of silent minutes they finally arrived to the playground. "Is it wise to wake her up?" he whispered, glimpsing back at the sleeping little girl questioningly.

He knew, of course he knew. Stiles had been nothing but resilient to making sure Derek knew he had a friend in him. The years of silence between them hadn't changed that because sometimes that's just how life went. They all separated, created their own lives, got busy with school or jobs or in Derek's case, more supernatural problems. People rarely stayed together after high school so with that, the old pack wasn't that different. And Derek had always been the older guy, he hadn't been in the same phase of life as the others, he hadn't even finished college. Never had normal jobs, they didn't even know how much money he had.

Following Stiles' glance to the sleeping child, he chuckled because normally she'd be awake already. "She'll be awake in a moment, it never takes long. She doesn't sleep much, being half Banshee."

Unbuckling the seat belt, Derek slumped a little more to get comfortable, enjoying the quiet because it wasn't going to last for very long. It was early in the morning so there weren't other kids yet, and she loved playing with others.

"Sleeping in my bed keeps the dreams away so we do that when it gets really bad." He suspected it helped because he had been taking care of her alone for so long in Hell. She was used to his scent, his arms around her, it's how they had always slept.

Stiles smiled with empathy from that. It was probably not an easy task to raise a hybrid like her with awakening powers. Especially when some of hers were from the intuitive and sensitive kind. He just felt a bit sorry for Beth because knowing what kind of dreams and visions Lydia could get, he knew it was probably not easy on such a small child like her. And despite that, she was a cheerful and curious little girl. Stiles loved that. He saw that raw wildness in her like in Derek. It was just another one of their similarities he secretly adored.

"You mean my bed?" he grinned turning his face to look at the relaxing man. Damn, he looked... hot and beautiful like that. The shape of his nose, the curve of his lips which were usually pressed into a thin line but were more sensual and very soft-looking. Making Stiles suddenly wish that he could kiss it for hours without a break... Bad Stiles, very bad Stiles, he scolded himself as he swallowed hard, trying to fight off his slight blush and make his heart calm down.

"Otherwise, I'm sorry she has bad dreams. But it's something the three of us have in common, I guess," he said, hinting at the fact that he, himself sometimes still got nightmares. "I sometimes still find myself counting my fingers," he chuckled a bit dryly. To see if he is dreaming or not. Six fingers or just five on his hand. He doubted he ever would stop doing that.

"I mean my bed, I claimed it, it's mine now." Honestly, as comfortable as it was, his own bed was a lot bigger and he missed the room it offered. Hopefully the couch was okay to sleep on, he didn't like chasing Stiles out of his own room even though they hadn't known he would be staying over. Getting the loft ready was going to be priority number one once Stiles had left, so he'd have his own room and bed next time. And Beth had her own room and Cora would have a place to give birth. That was going to be one hell of an adjustment too, going from one child to be around two more but his sister knew nothing about kids so he stepped up.

"Oh well... I just hope you didn't mark it with your pee too. That would be quite disgusting, if you ask me," Stiles fired back without thinking, lightening the mood a bit more and finding some much needed distraction from fantasizing about how Derek's mouth and tongue could taste. Or how it would feel to have his scent all over him. Damn, he had to control himself better. He wasn't a hormones fueled teenager anymore...

The grin he flashed at the pee question answered nothing but probably would make Stiles worry about the validity of the joke. Derek enjoyed messing with Stiles like that. Plus the mattress was covered with a special tarp-like thing made to avoid fluids leaking into it. It's what he had on his own bed in the loft too, not because of urine but because he had a tendency to have a lot of blood in bed from his injuries. First thing he had done was do the same for the Stilinski beds, especially with a toddler still in diapers running around with her sippie cup. It was easier this way.

"Oh my god, you totally marked my bed as yours... Fucking territorial alpha..." Stiles chuckled a bit out of breath but with no negative edge to his words. Truth be told, he kinda liked the idea. Well, not the pee part, but Derek marking lil' ol' Stiles' bed as his territory. It was disturbingly hot and he had to will his body to calm the fuck down because getting a boner from that thought while Derek was in arm's reach and his awakening daughter right behind them would be a very, veeeery bad and awkward situation.

Being in close quarters did make it easier to catch the subtle change of scent coming from the human, the familiar twang of arousal even though he had gotten older. It was too familiar to comment on, sometimes that just happened, especially with humans.

At the fingers trick Derek nodded and smiled because it was one he used ever since Stiles had told him about it. "I use it all the time. You told me about it in a dream once. We were talking and you asked me why I looked so worried. I told you I didn't remember waking up and you explained the trick how to know. You had six fingers so..." It had told him it had been a dream though it had been a strange one because Stiles had never actually told him about it outside of the dream. It happened sometimes, those little moments because it wasn't really Stiles, it was his Stiles, the one he had anchored with. "I don't always wake up when I count the fingers." But it helped knowing it wasn't real. Even when it was strange to know it was a dream but still be dreaming. Like a dream within a dream.

"I did?! Wow!" he gaped at Derek a bit, the surprise clear on his face as he blinked a few times. "Huh! Maybe I do have some hidden powers and planted that solution into your head through that dream," he hummed, rubbing his chin like an old scientist or wizard would do, though he was neither and had no beard to go with the picture either. "This is Inception stamped all over it!" he grinned, somehow feeling smug from knowing with certainty that Derek had dreamed with him at least once. It kinda warmed his insides a bit.

"If you had some hidden powers, I'm sure you would have influenced my dreams differently back then." Because they both knew how much of an ass Stiles had been back then, he would have made it an arousing dream just to mess with Derek.

Speaking of arousing… that lingering around the human was a fond smell in a way, as was Stiles' enthused response to finding out Derek had been dreaming about him. It had been a bold statement, at some point the other could link it all together and realize what it meant and maybe that was a good thing. He was going to let Stiles figure that one out.
 

Part II.

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